I wish you would stop randomly liking my posts on Instagram. You are no longer apart of my life, and please remember that was your choice.
You decided that I was not enough. In the end you made it incredibly clear that you were searching for someone shinier, prettier, with no flaws or signs of trouble. Maybe I’m a victim of this digital age of dating. Maybe you’re just fucked up.
You’ve offered to hear me out so I could get everything off my chest, & we could pick up where we left off as friends. Yeah that would really make me feel so much better. I’d apologize for not realizing that the awful side effects from my treatment drugs would catch up with me and I went haywire. I allowed my insecurities to get the best of me, and felt like I was losing sight of my goals. I thought you would be there to support me, instead you decided I wasn’t worth the fight.
Next I’d tell you how I was guilty of cyber-stalking your social media pages, and noticed all of your flirtatious exchanges and offers to go on dates. Or I’d point out the dates you have been on to places we planned to venture to together. I’d mention how quickly you deleted all evidence of me existing in your life, so as not to confuse anyone I’m sure. I’d let you know how hurtful this all was being that these events occurred not too long after we broke up. Oh, and they also happen to be with the same women I questioned you about when we were together. So then you’d tell me to stop being crazy, and I’d feel pathetic for bringing it up.
I want you to know that I didn’t give up on myself. I was sick and I got better. I have flare-ups, but I take medication in order to maintain remission. Health is wealth, and without it I have nothing. I am teaching and I love it. I’m experiencing joy and fulfillment through my career like I never have before and wish I had someone to share it with. On the other hand, this transitional phase has been very stressful so it’d be nice to have someone to come home to after those long days. Life is all about balance, and without the bitter baby the sweet ain’t as sweet.
I need you to know, and please get this through your head, actions speak louder than words. You weren’t there when I needed you the most, & if you couldn’t hang during my lows you don’t deserve to meet me at my highs. I’m planning adventures across the country, in the best shape of my life (so far), & I’m making my dreams come true. I have been so foolishly in love with you and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m trying to move forward. Yes I still think about you every damned day, even if just for a minute, but I mostly wonder why you stopped believing in me. I would’ve loved you forever, but you decided to let me go.
So please, let me go…