Things are looking up. Realizations & possibilities.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

This has become one of my favorite motivational quotes this past year, and while I have to admit it’s a tad cheesy- I need cheesy in my life at the moment. So it’s something I actively try to live by (not doing) and celebrate my life for all that it is…

I feel like I’ve done a complete 180 this past week, okay 120 but that’s still awesome. I am feeling excited about the future again and looking forward to getting back into the groove of things. New things. Endless possibilities.

My last post was pretty heavy. I had been sitting on those thoughts for quite some time and it felt good to let them out and work through those emotions. Almost instantly after I hit publish I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Connecting with my readers and other blog writers has given me so much strength in a very trying period of my life. I will be forever grateful for this outlet where I can pour myself into my writing and reflect on my emotions without any reservations.

This past week I decided enough is enough, time to get my shit together. I worked out at the gym consistently, made improvements with my diet, and plugged myself back into the social pipeline. I am proud of my progress, and am consciously making an effort to live my best life. I owe it to myself. Do I still stop and think about the heartbreak I’m dealing with? Of course, I’m human. Only now I have a better grasp on my situation. My self perception has shifted and my current state of being has changed. I am in a transition period, but it’s temporary, and like my heartache this too shall pass. I decided to try an exercise in self-discovery to balance out my negative ramblings. I wrote a short paragraph about some qualities I like about myself and traits I’m looking for in a future partner/friend/lover/travel mate. Some quirks, nuances, flares if you will- that make me, me. I thought writing this out would help me remember that girl I was searching for in my last post. I’d like to share it with you now:

I like that I go all in. I love completely and wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m an eternal optimist, and hopeless romantic. I get excited about the little things. I believe in the possibility of true love, with butterflies, rainbows, & unicorns in tow. Never underestimate the generosity of spirit. Kindness and empathy go a long way. As do open-mindedness and understanding. Passion. Curiosity. Longing. Desire. All traits sought after and admired. I allow myself to be vulnerable and feel everything, for better or worse. Choose to embrace the unknown. Take risks. Invest in things I may not get a good return in. Proud that I can love wholeheartedly. Laughter and a sense of humor keep me grounded in those dark days. I have a great capacity to love even though it may not be reciprocated. I am a good person who deserves to be happy, & live an extraordinary life. 

I’m glad I took some time away from social media and the like to get reacquainted with myself, and refocus on my goals. I needed to restore my joyous spirit I’d somehow lost along the way.

Realizing your own self worth is a battle worth fighting for.

I had become so consumed by what everyone else might* be thinking, & how He had just continued living his life like I never even existed, that I actually started to believe that my life didn’t really matter. I was overwhelmed with doubt, and had very little self-worth. Then finally something this week clicked. Who gives a fuck about what He’s doing(!!!)-I can’t give someone that much power & allow those insecurities to dictate how I live my life. Especially someone who isn’t a part of my present, he’s a part of my past now, a lesson learned the hard way. I was living in the shadows and needed to align my reality with what my expectations were in order to move forward. Let go of the feelings that were dragging me down, and open myself up to the opportunities and experiences ahead.

I typed and snail mailed a letter explaining my thought process and time away to my close friends, along with a personalized note. I feel I express myself best in writing and thought it was important to open up to them in this way. I don’t want to push the people who truly care about me away, as they are the same people who love me for me. Hopefully this will make amends for the distance I’ve kept this summer and help them understand why it was so important I dealt with things on my own in order to heal. I also reactivated my social media sites and shared my Instagram feed for you to check out if interested. Social media is a way to connect with your friends, meet new people, and express yourself. I have enjoyed sharing my life with people online, both the good and bad times, and don’t want to give all of that up for the irrational fear that my story wasn’t worth telling. I have to stop comparing my behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. Realize how far I’ve come & appreciate all of the amazing things in store for the future. 

They say heartbreak makes you wiser, and love is blind. Two idioms I didn’t fully understand until recently. I still want to be that whimsical girl I mentioned earlier in this post, but when I decide to start dating again I will definitely have a fresh outlook. When you learn to understand your value and find what lights you up inside, it is the greatest feeling in the world. I don’t want to compromise my worth in a relationship ever again. I deserved to be treated better, and shouldn’t have allowed someone to hurt me so much. I know there will still be bumps in the road, setbacks, and let downs; but at the end of the day I know everything will work out just as it should. I have to believe that everything I’ve been through will be worth it someday.

It’s funny how quickly things start coming together once you will it out into the universe. The law of attraction, perhaps. I have a meeting with a major hospital tomorrow morning for a highly coveted volunteer position, great for networking & work experience. I was also randomly contacted tonight for a possible long-term teaching position starting asap. The week ahead is filled with new career opportunities and social endeavors. I am looking forward to the future, being productive, and meeting my goals. Working hard, but also making time to have fun with friends. I’m embracing change and mending the broken bits- mind, body, & spirit and no one can take that away from me…

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