Censorship. Burned bridges & a battle from within.

I’ve been having a really difficult time putting my thoughts into words, almost censoring myself while I try and make sense of these last few weeks. I wouldn’t call it writer’s block, because I’ve written down so many random reflections and observations- I just don’t know where I’m going with it all. Second guessing everything. Sometimes I’m afraid to read my musings aloud. What will they think of me? What will he think of me? If he ever happens to stumble upon my little online indulgence. More importantly, what do I think of me? I’ve always danced to the beat of my own drum, never stopping to notice those who couldn’t hear the music. For whatever rhyme or reason the silence is deafening right now. I’m terrified and exhilarated all at once. I’m emotionally exhausted, but hell-bent on making the second half of this year even more unforgettable than the first. I don’t owe anyone an explanation or justification for my actions. And honestly, the only person I feel I owe an apology to is myself. I let what someone else said to me and the way they acted towards me, become a reflection of my own self worth. That is extremely hostile territory, and I let myself down by believing I wasn’t enough. I don’t want to hold on to that kind of burden any longer; I want to let go and be free. So fuck it. The bridges have been burned and there’s no turning back. I have to be true to myself, there is no other way…

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