Sleepless Nights. Even Longer Days. 

My emotions are raw. The heartbreak is all too real. I can’t sleep. Pills don’t help. The nights are long, but the days are even longer. I’m trying to find the silver lining, but that gnawing ache at the pit of my stomach weakens my knees.

Sure we were having problems, but for once in my life I was handling things on my own. Kept things between us as intimate partners. Didn’t seek out anyone else’s opinion, approval, or guidance. I guess I can be proud of myself for that. My friends and family were surprised to hear it had all fallen apart. I was numb. Almost in disbelief. The flame had burned out and there was no turning back.

I miss you terribly. All of you. I miss the smell of your neck during a long embrace. The taste of your lips before we settled in to bed. I crave your touch and the way it feels when you first enter me. Taking you all in & getting lost in your eyes.

There are moments when I forget to breathe. I find myself gasping for air & choking back tears hoping this was all just a dream. I thought I knew what you wanted because it was what I wanted. Now I’m awake feeling vulnerable & confused. It wasn’t easy I’ll give you that one, but you threw in the towel so quickly. You had made up your mind and I wasn’t worth fighting for.

I think we both got so caught up in the idea of us & how things were supposed to be that we stopped living in the moment. Didn’t stop to realize that sometimes shit happens that’s out of your control but leaves you with a choice. There’s always a choice. You chose to walk away & I was left to pick up the pieces…

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